Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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