Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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