didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
