I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
