Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
