The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
