I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
