Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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