when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
