I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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