from now on my penis is your penis
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
