I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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