My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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