His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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