I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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