she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
