he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
