...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
