He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
