She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
