thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think your dad took our porno
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
