im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize