No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
