tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
