I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
