Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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