she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
