I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
