this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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