i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
