it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
