I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
