im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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