You're so nebulous sometimes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
