Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I want is dick and wine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
