Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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