biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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