Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
