I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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