If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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