I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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