So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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