Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
