Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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