i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
