I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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