I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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