I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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