so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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