After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
