i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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