Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
