the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i came on her dog
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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