Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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