my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
