...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
