i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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