come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Less talking, more tequila
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
