just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
