why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
