I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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