so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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