she was so not down for the gang bang
I looked at my own cervix.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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