STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
