hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
