I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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