He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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