hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
