mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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