Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize