New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
