I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize